So Liberal Party how am I doing? Hey, Ed Koch always said that to everybody but not to me. He knew I didn’t give a damn and he only wanted a campaign contribution. Boy that guy …and they call me a narcissist. But he got away with it and never had to come out of the closet. The media loved him – those fakers – they printed everything he said even when they knew he was lying in his teeth.
You know I know all about you liberal guys. I even helped you with my best buddy Wilbur Ross -isn’t he the greatest Commerce Secretary in history – trying to get out of a deal to support his soon-to-be ex-wife Betsy who was your candidate for Governor in 1997. Wilbur is fantastic — and he’s just like me. We both love tall blondes and we both hate high taxes. And I told you again and again…liberals need to work for lower taxes. But he promised you guys a quarter of a mil and then he changed his mind. One of your friends called me and I called Wilbur and told him he couldn’t break his promise. And he sent the check.
So you see I helped you guys even though I knew you’d never help me run for office. Which is fine. I don’t need you and will never need you. I have my people. And they are the real Americans who know government is a fake; that these politicians are bought and sold by guys like me and we get what we want from them. Better now than ever.
People thought my running for President was a joke. But I nailed it because I told it the way it is. Remember that first Republican debate? The one where I was standing in the middle of all those 17 political pretenders. The best the Republican Party had. That was the debate where Megan Kelly and I put on that little show. Boy that made her a star and rich. But I got to call her. That morning show of hers is a dud…she needs to be her tough self…She was just another blonde news bimbo until we came up with that game. I got to admit she did a good job that night.
But I did a better one. I told America what it already knew. I looked into the camera and said that these guys on either side of me were just politicians who didn’t give a damn about the people. They only wanted to stay in office forever and would do and say anything to get their way. Remember how none of them contradicted me..nobody challenged me or called me a liar. They were a bunch of weak p——. Stiff asses like that Ohio Governor, or Rand Paul ( I just played golf with Rand this week…and Lindsay Graham..they can say what they like about me but when I invite them to play golf they come running just like they always did sucking up to me for some campaign money. And did you notice how that old Mitch McConnell was playing nice. What a failure he is.)
Week after week I wiped those pretenders out. And the ratings were terrific. Never better ratings for the usual boring Presidential debates. I was center stage the whole time. TV knows a star when it sees one.
People think I won because I was running against Hillary. Hey she’d lost to a black guy who wasn’t even born here and had no clue about what to do. But they were wrong. Steve Bannon says I would have beaten Joe Biden too. He was Obama’s guy and we knew real Americans hated that Obama was President.
I know you liberal guys don’t like Steve but you should. He hates Republicans. He knows they are fakers and takers. He wants more good things for working people. It’s just that we believe that America and Europe were created and developed by white people and nobody else is really welcome. And if we can get rid of all those immigrants there would be plenty of jobs for white Americans who need them. Believe me I’m going to build that Wall and no matter how many Judges kill it, I’m going to keep those immigrants out.
And speaking of jobs… No President has ever done more to put people to work. We’ve got the lowest unemployment numbers in fifty years. In fact our economic program is the best thing America has seen in my lifetime. We are going to cut taxes and get people more jobs.
My top economic advisers – and Mnuchin and Cohn are brilliant guys, doing fabulous jobs – say lower taxes on corporations will provide more money for development and new and better paying jobs than ever.
You liberals are going to tell me that lower corporate taxes and lower rates for the wealthy have NEVER led to more and better jobs but the power players in this country will ignore you. They have been keeping their money overseas until we can cut the bracket from 35% to 20 or 15% and then they’ll bring the money back and give people raises and it will all be sensational.
Big business believes in me. Even though those idiots in Congress can’t pass any legislation…the Stock Market is exploding every single day. Every day there’s a new record high.
The banks have trillions in cash lying around. Real estate values are going up and up.
Yes, I’ve been told that millions who are working steady have not received a pay raise in years. But so what? They have steady jobs and they can keep those jobs if they don’t push for a raise.
And unions? They are a joke. They hardly exist anymore and where they do, their only interest is getting more money for the workers so that their union dues go up and keep coming into the union. I know how to make deals with them. Unions are businesses now. Look at the NY teachers union. They have a headquarters building on Wall St. What does that say?
And the fast food worker unions push for a $15 minimum wage knowing that can’t feed a family of four. But what they don’t do is change the rule in that industry that workers in one location cannot move to another location in that chain to get a better job. It’s against the rules set up by the food chains to keep wages low.
Everything is working just right. I’m not afraid of that little jerk in North Korea. He remembers what America did to his Father and Grandfather. He’s just making noise. But nobody makes noise the way I do.
I told Tillerson to back off. I don’t get that guy. The only reason I picked him as Secretary of State is because he ran Exxon Mobil and is good buddies with Putin. He knows I want to make friends with Russians. All Presidents want to do that. Why fight them? There’s money to be made between us and that’s all that counts. It’s why I haven’t given up control of my companies and won’t. Why should I lose money just because I’m President.
So Tillerson better remember what this is all about and stop talking to John Kerry and trying to sound like a Secretary of State. He better remember who he is working for…
What other President has been on television everyday. …who is center stage everyday? None of them. Not Kennedy or Clinton. Not even Ronnie Reagan. The media loved them but I’m making the people see that media is a fake…so them hating me is working for me.
I had a hard time believing Steve when he said keep those tweets coming whenever I have something to say. He said the media would eat them up no matter what I say, how often I say it and how many times I change my mind about something.
And he was right.
No President in history has commanded the attention I have received. It is fantastic. And now I’ve figured out that I can say anything about any subject and everyone will listen.
I know I have my enemies. They are the people who don’t want to hear the truth about things. Some of them are nice people, but they simply don’t want the truth.
I can deal with Chuck Schumer and Nancy Pelosi because they know I wheel and deal and respect that fact and still respect the office of the Presidency. I can handle them. And I can handle all those senior Democrats who never want to leave office. Like Diane Feinstein…hell she’s 84 and is up for the Senate again. They never have enough. There are so many older Democrats in the Senate and the House who have been there forever and don’t want to leave.
I get it…it’s an easy job, travel is free, benefits are amazing and nobody has to work hard.
Hey I see now that there’s no government at all. Obama spent time writing directives and ordering them because Congress wouldn’t work. And now I’m doing the same thing. The Republicans can’t get legislation that will be approved and the Democrats are just sitting there watching.
And that’s just the way I like it.
So keep watching Liberals and learn something about the American public. I’m telling them what they want to hear..and for a salesman that always means a sale.
Donald TrumpPresidentUnited States of America
But for one racist sentence — something Trump would never write for public viewing — this is a fine parody. The unique writing style was well lampooned.